census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
