I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
