so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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