dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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