I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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