last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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