I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
