Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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