I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize