I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
