I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
