I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
