I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love you.
Bad choice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
