I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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