tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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