The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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