Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
