she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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