so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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