I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
