I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
