My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
