shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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