i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
