too bad you live with your parents still
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
