I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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