we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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