Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
