My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
