Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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