Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize