just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
