If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
