He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sarcasm needs its own font
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
