the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
