the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize