Pappa wants mamma naked
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
