They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
