when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
