I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
