You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
