The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
