I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
