I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
