apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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