so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
