you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The adults are the big ones right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
