We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize