So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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