Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
