this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
