i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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