There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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