Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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