Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
