we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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