Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
