Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
