I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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