Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
