I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize