Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
