Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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