The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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