she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
