Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
