Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
