Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
