So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
