If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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