I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
