we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
