dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
