So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she peed on how many people?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
