Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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