We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
