Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
