U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
