If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You took a bar mat shot.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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