I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize