I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
