I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it's like heaven, but drunker
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
