We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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