god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
