If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
