I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
