I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
