not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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