last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
