How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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