I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
